Fireworks on the Fourth

Each year, I look forward to see the fireworks on the Fourth of July. It is my favorite day of the whole year. I consider the Fourth of July my own private time to reflect on the loss of my Father.

I know, kinda sad. My Daddy died when I was 5-1/2 years old. I was just a little girl. I have always felt abandoned by him. I know it was not his fault. He was given a bad heart. Not a bad heart in the sense of feelings and emotions. A bad heart that didn’t function properly. His heart is what took him away at the young age of 38. I know he didn’t intend to cut his life short. I know, he would not have left me and my little brother at such a young age.

Abandonment has been a life-long issue for me. And, now that I’m old and realize where the feeling of abandonment means, I get it.

It doesn’t mean I’m not a good person and deserved to be left alone. And, it doesn’t mean they were intentionally trying to get away from me. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, except the left over feeling of loss in my life.

I am a good person; my Daddy didn’t choose to abandon me.

I have a lot of memories about my Daddy that I’m not sure if they are truly memories of things that really happened. Or, I created stories in my head from the little details I’ve received from family over the years.

Anyway, he lives in my heart and on my soul. I will always love my Daddy.

So, when I see the fireworks, know that I won’t be thinking about who is around me. I will be looking at the fireworks, through my tears of joy (or tears of enjoy), and be thinking of my Daddy.

When I was a little girl, Daddy took Russell, Vicki, Mom, David and I to the Cotton Bowl to see the fireworks. I remember sitting with him and hearing him marvel about the fireworks. And, I remember the pink Piggly Wiggly sign lit up with sparklers. So, because of this memory, I’ve place all my feelings and memories about my Daddy onto the fireworks. It is one of my fondest memories.

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So, have a wonderful Fourth of July, every one. ❤

Mascara On My Mind

I quit wearing make up, completely, about a year ago. Honestly, it has freed up my life for so much more to enter.

Then, I was trying to analyze and understand why I’d chosen to delete it in my life. I thought after three times in therapy, I could ask  myself some of those same questions the therapist asked me and apply them to my reasons for my clean face.

First off, let me preface this by saying I was in a thirty-one year marriage that was not a good marriage. I was in it for the long haul. But, my ex has other plans for his life. So, I found my self in a lump on the grass, in the country, hugging two dogs, crying my eyes out for a couple of years. 

Learning to put on a happy face, faking it until I made it, and trying to remember it was his choice was my saving grace. Then, I realized, after hearing it my whole life, “You create your own happiness.” That turned into my daily inspiration.

Mascara didn’t make me feel better about myself. It was a mask I was using because our society says you must have all kinds of these items in your bathroom drawer and learn to use them properly to become a lady.

Mascara was a chore that I grudgingly applied, daily, that loomed behind my glasses. It was bothersome it I got hot and sweaty because it would run into my eyes. And, then I would look like a raccoon. And, I was spending $10.00 every month for something that I didn’t even enjoy. That is two Starbucks Venti Mochas for me. 

I have heard all my life when I would tell people that I’m ugly (learned from a tape in my head from my childhood), “Your personality outshines any blemish you may think you have, Dear.” That wasn’t ever comforting. To me that meant, “Yes, you are pretty ugly, but you make me laugh, so I’ll be friends with you.” “Just stay behind me so I can shine.”

In fact, if my personality is the reason most people like to be around me, why would I try to cover that with mascara. It isn’t the things that I’ve placed on my face to make me look more attractive. It is my personality. That will be my why for deleting mascara in my life; my awesome personality.

Beside all the feelings, I discovered I wasn’t putting on mascara for me. I was applying it because I thought other people would run away from me, screaming, because I wasn’t trying to emulate the fashion magazines. And, finally, I realized something else I’ve heard my whole life, it doesn’t matter what others think about me. DUH!?

My goal, today, is to make sure I wash my face, apply lotion, and put on a happy smile. That is my makeup, every day. 

And, in the end, I want to be around people that want to be around me. I will not be chasing anyone to try to make them like me, ever again. I put my “chasing shoes” and my mascara in the trash.

And, I will endeavor to create my own happiness. That is the law of my land.

The Journey and the Destination

I often hear that saying about the destination not being the important part. That it is the journey that gets to the destination that is what counts.

I agree, the journey can be quite awesome. Like when you are working your way through a old city, looking at the architecture, the bistros, the people sipping their tiny cups of coffee, and all the smells coming from the restaurants.

It is the journey in the kayak, up the river to see what you can see. There are plenty of turtles to see if you can slow down enough to not scare them away. And, the birds will hang in the trees long enough for you to pass under them, if you are quiet enough. So, when I kayak up the river from White Rock Lake, it is the journey I enjoy.

Then, again, it could be the destination that is my goal. The journey to get there might be a grueling three-day car ride. I don’t love riding in a car at 70 miles per hour for days. I just don’t enjoy that part. That is the journey that I’m not enjoying. The rest stops and junk food seem to be there same, mile after mile. The restrooms are the only places in which to wash my hands during the car ride. And, then, there is another bedroom for the night. Packing and unpacking. I don’t love that part of the journey. Especially, when I’m excited about the destination.

Going to the Grand Canyon has been a desired destination for some years, now. I want to see it with my own eyes. To take it all into my memory. To soak it into my soul. I have a deep desire to go to the Grand Canyon.

The journey to get there doesn’t sound too pleasant. Riding in a car, staying in hotels, eating junk food, doesn’t sound to enticing to me. Walking in the woods, near cliffs, and smelling fresh air sound really nourishing to me.

So, there are times when destination is the goal; the journey is just the means to the goal.

I agree, in life, the journey is the more important part and not the destination. Because, in life, the destination is death. The End.

Black Cats and Friday the 13th

I’ve always been a afraid of things that go bump in the night. Like the dark. I’ve never grown accustomed to the dark.

There are things I like about the night such as the stars and the way street lights shine on the empty streets. And, just sitting in the quiet, listening to the bugs and other animals stirring.

The dark has always been not so nice to me. There has always been something lurking in my closet, just as I’m about to hop in my bed. Something there, waiting to ‘get’ me. If I don’t look to see it, just in that instant, it will get me. I’ve never conquered that feeling.

And, why do we have to be afraid of black cats and Friday the 13th. That just add another level onto my awareness of being afraid. And, I’m a cat person. So, when I see a black one is always check out closely to see if it has something evil lurking in its eyes.

Who tagged Friday the 13th as the day we have to be so cautious? He’s probably the one who created high heals and stockings. He needs to be taken out, Rambo style. There isn’t anything bothersome about a Friday. It is the last work day of the week. It is the beginning of the weekend.

So, NO, I won’t be watching the scary movie marathon, tonight. I don’t want to see killer dolls, masked men with knives, or clowns terrorizing the circus. I just can’t see that much scariness. I even clover my eyes when a commercial comes on advertising another scary movie, “. . .opening in a theatre near you.”

Today, I’m going to pet a black cat, if I see one. And, I’m going to act like it is Friday the 14th. That way I will have survived another scary day.

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Jamberry Nails are my New Passion!!!

I started as an Independent Consultant for Jamberry Nails in late March, 2014.

It has been quite a lot of fun. I’ve met new people who are inspiring in the direct selling area. And, I’ve had fabulous nails since I got my first sheet.

See what I mean.  First trial nails on my left hand.

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My first Jamicure was Punchy Puff. I love this one.

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My second one was Henna Moon. It was really cute.

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Galactic and Holographic paired together for a week.

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My Easter Jamiecure. Peek a Boo Bunny and Eggs. Aren’t they cute?

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A Cup of Tea is one of my dressy favorites. It is a cute one, too.

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I thought I would love Deep Sea, but the yellow wasn’t too cute.

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I tried the Sister’s Exclusive Flutter By. A little too orange for my taste.

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I wore Nautical for our party at White Rock Boat Club. I love this one!

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And, now, I have on Minty Fern with Golden Glimmer. This one is really nice. I love the dressy-ness of it.

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I’ll post my next picture, soon. It is time for a change. And, I love to change my nails.

If you would like to see the catalog, visit facebook page Grammy’s Jammies. There are videos, a sample request form, and lots of information about Jamberry and the business. ❤

Living in Dallas

I can’t imaging living anywhere else. Because, I have two son’s, their wives, and their children close by me. Having two grandchildren, and one on the way, has enriched my life so much that I can’t imagine living anywhere else.

I’ve visited places around the world and lived in some really great places. My ex worked in South Korea for two and a half years when the boys were little. That was an experience I won’t ever forget. It was a total culture shock that turned into a exciting adventure for all of us.

Then, we lived in Germany for six years. My oldest graduated High School and an American Air Base, there. We made a lot of friends from all over the world. And, visited a lot of different countries. There aren’t many people that can say they went on a ski trip to Switzerland. Or, visited Paris and London in one year. Don’t forget Holland. It is a wonderful place to see.

Still, I can’t imagine living anywhere else, but here. And, I’m grateful that when my ex decided to dump me somewhere, he planned on it being Dallas.

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You can do anyt…

You can do anything for ten minutes.

At least, that is the big take-away I learned from being in the Army for three years.

People are still amazed when I tell them I’m a Veteran. I service from 1974 to 1977, in the Women’s Army Corps during the Vietnam War. In 1976, the WACs were abolished. We were made full-fledged Soldiers. That is when all the fun started. It was difficult at that time to be a woman in a man’s Army.

Heck, it was hard being a woman in a man’s world, at that time. There was quite a bit to prove. And, there still is.

Anyway, you can do anything for ten minutes.